Articles

When Adoptions Go Bad

In my last column I gave an overview of the adoption process, and discussed some of the legal problems, which can arise during an adoption.

But what about after the adoption? What is the legal relationship between parent and adopted child? And what happens if the child has physical or emotional problems, which the adopting parent can not handle?

Some childless families are so focused on succeeding with an adoption that they fail to take in account what might happen if the adopted child has serious physical or psychological problems which are not fully apparent at the time of the adoption. After the entry of a Final Decree of Adoption, the adopting parents have all the legal responsibilities and duties of any parent. Physical and emotional of the adopted child are the financial and moral responsibilities of the adopting parents.

It is true that in many cases adopted children come with an agreement with State or Adoption Agency to provide financial aid, medical treatment, or Social Services. The adopting parents should make sure that all of the known problems, and the assistance to be provided after adoption, are reduced to writing.

Occasionally a child is adopted with serious problems known to the agency, but not revealed to the adopting parents. When this occurs, in some cases the adopting parents may be able to go to court and require the adoption agency to provide the necessary financial or social assistance. If an agreement has been entered into between the agency and the parents, failure to make all facts known may constitute a breach of that contract. If the agency fails to reveal important information through negligence or intentional misconduct, the adopting parents may be able to sue the agency on a legal theory similar to those used in personal injury cases.

It would be unwise to make generalizations. However, it is fair to say that in any such situation the adopting parent should at the very least seek competent legal advice before they assume that they have no legal recourse.

Emotional problems which should be identified and revealed prior to adoption include attention deficit disorder (ADD), disorders caused by the use of drugs or alcohol by the birth mother, and problems which arise from having been abused, abandoned or neglected.

Likewise, physical disabilities should be fully revealed to adopting parent prior to the adoption. This would include revealing the extent of the disability, and the time and money which the adopting parent should be expected to spend in caring for the child.

The bottom line is that, out of fairness to the parents and the adopted child, all-important medical and psychological information about the child should be fully revealed prior to the adoption. It is especially important for the adopted child that the parents have realistic expectations from the adoption. Adopting parents who are not fully advised, or are even sometimes misled, are less likely to succeed as parents after the adoption. Failure of a placement for adoption can be emotionally devastating for both the child and the parents.

Parents who knowingly adopt a child with mental or physical disabilities are much more likely to enjoy parenthood, and to succeed as parents. Their lives and the life of their child can be enriched with much happiness and joy. Often such parents actually become effective advocates for the child with the state, school, and health care systems.

Prospective adopting parents who are well informed about their child’s disability should carefully consider what life will be like with their child after the adoption. They should investigate community resources to find out what kind of assistance is available after the adoption. The goal should be to be able to fully utilize the funds and services available to parents who adopt children with disabilities.

Parents of disabled adoptees should be assertive about getting the services needed by their child. They often become better informed on their child’s needs than many of the social workers and health care providers. Well informed and motivated adopting parents should not allow their lack of a diploma to keep them from advocating for their children, or to ask pointed questions of the teachers, doctors, therapists, and counselors who are helping their children.