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How can I mediate if my spouse or partner is unreasonable?

by | May 8, 2023 | Mediation & Collaborative Divorce |

What should you do if your spouse or partner is making unreasonable demands? For example, what if your spouse demands 100% of all marital assets? Or what if they insist on more total child support and spousal maintenance (alimony) than your net income? Or they could propose a parenting plan that basically cuts you out of your children’s lives? If that happens, you may ask yourself – how can I mediate with someone who is so unreasonable?

The answer is to find a good mediator with a proven track record. An experienced mediator knows family law very well. They can explain the cases, the statutes, and how Family Law Judges and Commissioners are likely to rule on any given issue. They have many years of experience as attorneys and sometimes have even previously served as a Court Commissioner or Judge. Since mediators do not represent either party, their suggestions and opinions are highly respected in mediation.

The mediator can also emphasize the cost of litigation. A contested case and full trial can be very expensive after months of court hearings and subpoenas. A negotiated settlement in mediation can sometimes save the parties tens of thousands of dollars. The mediator can point out that if one of the parties is unreasonable, the Judge can impose a fine or make them pay the other side’s attorney fees.

The benefits of an experienced mediator

As you can see, the best solution to dealing with an unreasonable partner or spouse is often setting up a mediation with an experienced mediator. I have seen many such cases get fully resolved on all issues, with the parties presenting agreed orders which are signed by the Judge and filed at Court. When that happens, the case is over, and the trial can be stricken from the Court’s calendar. Both parties benefit and end up saving thousands of dollars that otherwise would have gone to their attorneys.